My name is Amanda Davis. I have been a teacher, here, at
Bright Beginnings for three years. This
year I have had the privilege of teaching in the threes. When Tracey told us the theme for tonight
being the game of Life and when she approached me about speaking, I kind of
wanted to laugh. What could I possibly talk about? My Life has been EXACTLY
what I planned it to be. But if you know
my story or have read my blog, God definitely wrote my story not as I would
have had it written, but I am a better person and have a greater, deeper love
for my savior because of the story He wrote.
You could say that my life began to take little side roads
when I was in college and I had to have the first tumor removed from my breast.
A few years and some more tumors later I had a doctor tell me that I had odd
breast tissue and that having mammograms, ultra sounds, and tumors removed from
my breast was going to start feeling like a repeat cycle that I could not stop,
and she was 100% correct.
My first year here at Bright Beginnings, I had to have another
tumor removed (this was probably my 6th or 7th, I had
lost count ) but this one came back as a Phyllodus tumor. The doctor told me
these are very rare, less than 1% of all breast tumors, and that I was going to
have to start being very proactive. This one in particular had some
abnormalities that concerned everyone involved. Six short months later I find
myself at a mammogram appointment where I am being told that I have nine tumors
and it is time to see a specialist and they would actually recommend an
oncologist.
I have two young children. My Ali is seven and my Eli is
five. We are all moms in here, and you know the love we have for our children.
You know that deep love, that mama bear love, that love that brings out the
fight in you. That is how I felt when I left this appointment. I was going to
do whatever it took to fight this, to get answers, not only for me, but for my
daughter as well. There were a lot of
nights on my knees, begging God for answers, for energy, for him to fight for
me, for him just to carry me. There were nights that all I wanted was for him
to embrace me, to take away the fear, the hurt, the unknown.
After seeing, what felt like, every doctor in Atlanta and
not getting answers I was getting impatient and frustrated. Cancer had been
ruled out, but my breasts had become necrotic. My breasts were essentially
dying. It was painful and gruesome and not very pretty. I was told by more than one doctor that I was
a mystery and one day my case would be in textbooks. Not exactly what you want
to hear when you are sick and not getting answers.
When I was at one of my lowest points I had a Mom (in this
very room) tell me about an oncologist at Georgia Cancer and I called not
expecting much, but just felt led to do so. This doctor began to answer
prayers, I began to get answers and more importantly she gave me a plan of
attack. Unfortunately, that plan was a bilateral (double) mastectomy. My
breasts were not even healthy enough at this point to have removed so I had to
have stem cell treatments all last summer to get my body ready for the
mastectomy and then in August (right before school started) I underwent surgery
to remove both of my breasts.
I was told before surgery that we might not ever get
answers, but I was staying positive. I really felt like God would give me the
answers. After all the results were back I was told that I had necrosis,
cellulitis, and the big reason I had to go through with this surgery was
because I had a staph infection. My doctor told me that it was a fluke, a crazy
coincidence, and some bad luck. That in one of my previous surgeries I had most
likely picked up staph and apparently there is a lot of places it can hide.
When it decided to rear its ugly head it cost me my breasts. The doctor seemed to think that eventually the Phyllodus tumors would have grown to the point that a mastectomy would have been unavoidable, but the reason they were taken at this point seemed to be because of the staph.
That evening I went home and thought….but my God doesn’t do
flukes, he doesn’t do coincidences, he doesn’t do bad luck. I never thought that
at the age of 33 I would be faced with all this, but This was my story, this
was my game of “Life” if you will, and my God had written this for a reason.
I could stop there with my story, but ever since I agreed to
speak tonight, I began to pray about what I would say and I keep being led back
to this verse. Philippians 3:20-21 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from
it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body
to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all
things to himself.
I have not told a lot of people this, but After my surgery I
began to have bouts of crying. I had prepared myself for the pain I would
endure after surgery physically, I had meals prepared, I had my kids schedules
taken care of, I had life organized, but what I failed to do was ask God to
prepare me emotionally. I would have crying fits looking in the mirror. I would
never let my husband see my scars. I began to get angry with God, frustrated
with him. I felt like less of a woman, I didn’t feel very pretty. I would
question what He was trying to teach me, what I was in fact supposed to be
getting from all of this.
One day, while having a little breakdown, in front of the
mirror, my daughter walked in. My husband and I were very honest with her from
day one. I wanted her to know what was happening to me, why mommy was always at
the doctor, why mommy had to stay at the hospital. I would explain things on
her level, but I tried not to keep too many secrets from her. So this day she
said “Mommy why are you crying? Is it because of your boobs?” She just laid it
out there like a six year old would. I said something like “yea, just sad
today” I just tried to play it off. So then God proceeds to use her to call me
back to him…”But Mom”, she says “When you get to heaven, God is going to give
you new ones. You know that!!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Why did it take a six
year old to point this out to me?
I have no doubt that God was talking through my daughter
that day. With the reminder that He has this. He has not forgotten about me. He
has not forsaken me. He was reminding me that I am not made for this world. He
says in Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death
shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore,
for the former things have passed away.”
One day I will stand before my God in heaven and I pray he
will say good job Amanda. Jesus will show me the scars, the holes, in his hands
and these tears I shed will seem so trivial. How silly these scars on my chest
will seem when I see the scars left behind from Jesus hanging on a cross to
save us. Ladies I pray that if you don’t know what I am talking about, that if
you do not know Jesus as your Savior that you will please talk or pray with
someone. We will be made new one day in Heaven and I rejoice in that thought.
No more looking in the mirror and crying for me. This is my game of life that
God has orchestrated and I will play this game with the Holy Spirit in my Heart, because
the finish line is Heaven and eternity with my Savior and I cannot think of a
better prize than that!!
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